SEX.
Possibly the most dreaded, awkward topic.
Also, the most interesting.
So it started of with an anatomy class.
It went a little something like this:
"This is a penis. With 2 testicles. In case you didn't know."
"This is a clitoris. Very sensitive part. Here is your urethra, where your urine comes out. And this is your vagina. And below here, the anus. So many...orifices. It's a more refined way of saying Holes."
"It will be a good idea to go home later, take a mirror and have a look at yourselves down there."
Needless to say, plenty in the classroom were turning into various shades of crimson. The one next to me was sucking very vigorously at an empty coffee cup, while there were plenty of snorts and giggles going around.
How about my dearly beloved? Well, from a few side glances, I saw that he was clearly trying to keep a straight face. And failing terribly. It was amusing to see how he was trying not to seem too interested when clearly, he was.
And what was his feedback regarding this session?
"Very structured. I like it."
Engineers. Pah.
So basically we covered the basic fundamentals regarding sex in a christian married couple. So what are the take home messages I have obtained from this session?
God Made Sex
Sex is fun. It's pleasurable. It's not just functional. It's recreational! Many Christians believe they're too holy for sex. They think it's shameful and yucky, something that should be swept under the rug and never brought to light in any conversation.
Truth is, God created sex exclusively for married couples to enjoy. It's one of the many pleasures in life. So why not enjoy it? Why not talk about it?
Pre Marital Sex
Of course, pre-marital coitus is frowned upon when you're a follower of the Christian faith. Of course, plenty of christian couples do it before they tie the knot, but I guess it comes down to accountability. Question was, how far can you go before the point of no return? Of course, it's up to you.The bible did not state down every single dos and donts when it comes to these stuff. Then again, if it's a peck on the cheek that can turn you on and cause you to do something you might regret later, then abstain from that. Simple.
Justin is an attractive guy, I'm not going to lie. Duh, I'm physically attracted to him, else why'd I be marrying him, right? He's got the whole height-check-gorgeous-eyes-check-brains-check-charm-check thing going on. Sometimes it does take quite an effort to not get lost in those big brown eyes of his, and to turn away from his nice perky squatters' butt. Heh. Well, I find it useful picturing God's/parents' disappointment as a strong determent to whatever that I find myself thinking. Also, sometimes I think to myself "How would I feel if my daughter decide to do something she knows I won't be proud of her doing?" Yep.
Pornography
I'm not going to lie. I was curious. A very long time ago, I watched a 3 minute clip of a couple going at each other in the most unrealistic positions you can ever imagine. I can only describe it as... wow. Then it triggered a bazillion of questions: why did he do that? Why did she scream like that? Won't that hurt? What is the G spot? Why is she so flexible? Glad to say, it was a one time rare thing which gave me an insight into the world of pornography and I can understand how some people can become addicted to it. I found it actually quite boring, and rather annoyed by all the noises that came with it. It paints an unrealistic picture about how sex would be like, and how everyone would have a magical ending to it, where in real life, things aren't as what it seems there. The counselor warned us to stay away from it, as it will ruin the experience between a married couple. It makes sense really. I wouldn't want my husband to be making love to me hoping to perform a certain standard as how he believes one should as shown in porn. God forbid he expects me to, or worse, he imagines a big boobed woman while he is with me! Gasp.
Ignorance
So I am fully aware that there are some couples (full grown adults) that do not know how our reproductive organs look like. Or even how they work. It isn't surprising as I've heard of such stories back during my O&G housemanship days. Heck, I've even heard of a man trying to penetrate a belly button and wondering why they can't get pregnant. I blame it on our education system, really. We have never been given the opportunity to learn about these when we were young. Maybe that's why people use that as an excuse to turn to porn? I don't know. Anyway, it pays to get yourselves educated before the night comes. This avoids a lot of unnecessary worries, stress and embarrassing moments.
Also, there are certain medical conditions which you might discover along the way - vaginismus, erectile dysfunction etc. Seek help. There are treatment available for these conditions.
Expectations
What to expect? I really don't know, actually. The counselor encouraged us to talk about sex with each other, even when we're not married. Talking about it will not necessarily mean you'll do it immediately. It's just so that you have an idea of what each others' expectations are. And especially after marriage. It's okay to tell him what's nice, and what's not.
Also, I guess we have to remember that we should treat each other well before expecting anything in return. For example, men generally like feeling respected. Show them the respect they need as the head of the family. Tell them how great they are. They will seriously believe it and become great.
Women - they can't be turned on and off like a switch. You need to tell them they look nice. Tell them their cooking is delicious. Help with the kids and dishes and chores. You won't regret it afterwards.
Fidelity, Jealousy and Temptations
Is it possible to be attracted to another while you're married to your beloved?
The answer is YES.
The moment you deny it, your marriage is clearly going to face a serious problem.
How to overcome it? Avoid temptations! Or situations which you know will become a source of temptation to you. Being alone with a person of the opposite sex, for instance. Always let your partner know how you are feeling, and be accountable of what your actions and thoughts are.
Also, there's no room for jealousy and possessiveness in any relationship. It will just damage the relationship and drive the other party away.
Grooming
I am a strong advocate for this. I believe that one should always look good for their partner no matter what circumstances. "Try to look the same way as you were when he/she married you", she said. I fully agree. We don't need to look like supermodels. But making an effort to look nice and presentable is an important key in keeping the sparks alive. Plus, it reduces the chance of his head turning to another younger, prettier girl.
Trust me, I'm no expert when it comes to this topic. I'm merely stating everything that I've learnt during that 2 hour session. It was certainly an eye opener, and I think we were extremely privileged to have someone conduct a session on this difficult topic in the most professional and open manner.
How will I fare then in the future? Well then, only time will tell, I suppose! :D
